Aloha, August?

What the heck happened to July?

It rained a lot ...I blinked...and now BAM! Tomorrow is August!

I have a pretty serious love/hate thing going with August.

I love that it is still summer and I am still on vacation but I also have to start facing the harsh reality of SEPTEMBER...

My questions for you this week:

1. Can you even BELIEVE it is nearly August?

2. Do you have any fun plans for the remainder of the summer?

3. Do you think it is too late for me to go to clown school?

4. How long do you think I have before my back-to-school night sweats begin?

No sweats for Kailani!

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Open Letter: Dear Kid Across the Street

Dear Punk Kid Who Lives Across the Street From Me,


Hi there. We seem to have gotten off to a rough start, you and I. My name is Jenni, and I am the ordinarily nice lady who drives the silver minivan in and out of the driveway that you like to play in front of.


I am having a little problem with the game that you have been playing lately. Do you know the one I mean? No, not the one where you taunt my kids. No, not the one where you climb into the neighbor's jeep. I am talking about the one where you see and hear me coming in my van, and you deliberately continue playing in front of my driveway so that I can't get in or out.


Ha. Ha. I am so funny. I am not moving. I am making the blonde lady wait.


Yeah, that game really sucks. Please knock that crap off.


While it is clear to me that you are very impressed with yourself for having come up with such a clever way to be overtly obnoxious...and even I must say WELL DONE in that regard... it really isn't safe to play CHICKEN with cars.


Plus it is rude. And it makes me think bad thoughts about you, and even worse things about your mother.


And where IS your mother????


Seriously. Quit it.


Jenni Jiggety

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Want to Participate in Open Letter Day?

Here's what you do:

Write an Open Letter on your blog, and include a link to Jiggety Jigg (you can grab my button on my sidebar)!

An open letter can be to anyone or anything! It can be silly or serious! A rant or a rave! Anything goes!

After you post your letter, come back here, sign the Mr. Linky Widget below, and visit the other bloggy-fabulous who are playing along!

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WW: My Armpit!

I am speckled with beauty marks.

I am freckle-icious.

I am mole-tastic.

I have one in particular that drives me crazy, as it is located in my armpit as I have clearly labeled on the fabulous drawing below.

(As much as I love you, Internet...I didn't think you needed a picture of my actual Moley PIT.
You're welcome.)

Anyway, I have a problem with this mole because it is raised slightly.

And every now and then, like yesterday, I nick it when I am shaving that particular pit.

This causes ouchiness and blood.

And have you ever tried to put a band-aid on your armpit?

Yeah...notsomuch with the sticking.

I actually tried to wear the bandaid on my pit at the gym and it was all flopping around and I am SURE people were thinking, "What the HELL is going on with her PIT?" so finally I just ripped it off and hoped for the best.

Gah.


See why I need have my armpit hair lasered off so badly?

Bleeding armpits are CRAP.


Aren't you SO glad you came by here today?

Angie's pits are fabulous.

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Random Tuesday TV Thoughts

1. I watched the finale of The Bachelorette last night after never having seen the show once this season. I totally wanted to guy she picked to NOT ask her to marry him, and then have her run after the one of the other two. Because I am super romantic when it comes to finding your one true love on national television.

2. I also watching Dating in the Dark for the last time last night. Have you SEEN this? Oy. I was a little intrigued by the whole thing until the end when they have to meet in person to decide if they want to date in the light. Do you know that one of the guys walked away and left the poor girl standing there alone? It is a DATE in the DAYLIGHT...not till death do us part! Stop being an oucheday for a couple hours of your life and go have lunch with the girl. Sheesh.

3. I have forgotten to watch the last TWO episodes of Big Brother, but thankfully I have Showtime so I can watch the After Dark show. I read the message boards (oh shut up) and I just want say that Lydia is a woman with questionable taste in hair accessories, clothes, cosmetics, tatoos, hair dye, and MEN.

4. I saw on the news last night that some people in Connecticut were busted for having a bird-fighting ring. Except it wasn't cock fights...it was CANARY fights. I am wondering how they were planning to get the canaries fight one another. And were they going to have them assault one another with their cuteness? I suspect Sylvester the Cat was behind this scheme...

Keely puts 20 bucks on Tweety.

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Warning: Mushiness Ahead

On Friday night, Doug and I took the boys to a local baseball game and we had a GREAT time.

Nothing was really special about it

Nothing FUNNY or overtly blog-worthy

But

When the game was over, and the music began to play, and the fireworks began to explode over our heads...

I became caught up in that moment, and I was overwhelmed with the love I have for my family.

My eyes filled with tears and I pulled my boys closer...it was one of those moments that made me realize how very blessed I am...




PS: We had a burping contest in the car on the way home. I totally won.

See? BLESSED!

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Aloha Friday!

What Are Your Weekend Plans?


Tell me what you are going to do with yourself this weekend. And make it GOOD! The entire internet is off partying together, so we have to come up with some really fantastic plans to rival theirs! Make some stuff up if you have to!

My plans?

On Saturday I plan to have dinner with the Queen of England and dance with her grandsons well into the night. I am pretty sure one or both of them will become smitten with me and beg me not to leave...but I will have to go! Because on Sunday I have to film the opening scenes for "Jiggety Jigg...THE MOVIE".


Top THAT!

(No, really....TOP it! Leave me a comment and tell me your weekend plans...the more outrageous, the better!)


Kailani is too cool for BlogHer

*This post marks the end of my moaning about not being at BlogHer. You're welcome.

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Open Letter: Dear Self

Dear Self,

Soooooooooooo.... I guess you'll be feeling like a pretty big LOSER this weekend when everyone in the blog-o-sphere converges in Chicago and you are home sitting on your couch in your pajamas eating frosting out of the can and watching reruns of The Golden Girls, huh?

Well, don't worry, genius. While all the cool kids are out having fun, networking and partying like it's their collective birfdays, I have some ideas for things you can do to spice up your weekend! I even have a title for you! They may have BlogHer...but you have:

Jenni Jiggety's Los-ah Palooza!

Pretty catchy, right? And with a name like that, you know it is certain to be QUITE an event! And here is my proposed agenda for your celebration:

1. Blog from the OTHER side of the couch.

2. Tweet the word "fart" whenever someone mentions BlogHer.

3. Cry softly.

4. Pretend you don't even CARE that you didn't get to go.

5. Then complain bitterly about not being there.

6. Congratulate yourself on all the money you saved by NOT going.

7. Look up airfare to Chicago.

8. Come up with an elaborate and expensive plan to sneak in at the last minute.

9. Post the word BOOGER on everyone's blogs.

10. Go to bed, and repeat # 3.

See? With plans like that, who even NEEDS a super fantastic convention in Chicago! Not you! That's for sure!


Love You!

Me

PS: Next year, try not to be so unspeakably lame and get yourself to BlogHer. Kthxbai

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Want to Participate in Open Letter Day?

Here's what you do:

Write an Open Letter on your blog, and include a link to Jiggety Jigg (you can grab my button on my sidebar)!

An open letter can be to anyone or anything! It can be silly or serious! A rant or a rave! Anything goes!

After you post your letter, come back here, sign the Mr. Linky Widget below, and visit the other bloggy-fabulous who are playing along!

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WW: Et Tu, Tar-zhay?

Hey! Target!

It is still only JULY!

Quit trying to harsh my summer buzz with all of your back to to school CRAP!

Every time I go in there now, I have to fight the urge to run full speed into that display with my cart.

Ever seen a grown woman crying in a pile of markers on the floor of Target?

Angie is probably doesn't have such
negative emotions about markers.

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And BOY Were His Legs Tired!

Mr. Jiggety to Douglas:

Do you know the name of the astronaut who landed on the moon 40 years ago today?


Douglas:
Armstrong!


Mr. Jiggety:
Goood! Do you know his first name?


Douglas:
Lance!


Mr. Jiggety:
. . . ! ? ! ?


Jenni Jiggety:
Tour De Lunar!

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Rich Kids With Fangs

So.

After I obsessively devoured all of the books in the Twilight Saga, I was on the hunt for something else vampire-y to enjoy.

A friend of mine recommended another young adult book series, which I promptly put on my Amazon.com wish list, and which my husband bought for me for Christmas.

Well.

I just finished the third book in the series and I will definitely be reading book four when it comes out in October!

Blue Bloods



I would recommend this series of books to anyone who enjoyed the Twilight series! They are a lot shorter and significantly less angsty...but definitely GOOD vampire-istic summer reading!

Think Twilight meets Beverly Hills 90210!

Sure, there is no EDWARD :::swoon::: but they do have a fun cast of characters and a very interesting back-story!

And besides, reading them will help to fill the time between now and the theatrical release of New Moon...which is still 123 days away but who's counting? (ME!)

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Aloha Friday!

Happy Friday!

This weekend I have absolutely NOTHING on calendar, and I am most pleased about it!

Whatever shall I do with myself with all this free time?
(That's right! This weeks ALOHA Question is a POLL!)

Jenni Jiggety Should:

A. Clean out her closet.

B. Dust all her chotchkies.

C.Watch MTV, eat chips, and let her brain rot.

D. Other (tell me what to do, you bossy thang)


That's IT! I am going easy this week because I am SO lazy BUSY!

Have a GREAT weekend!


Kailani's chotchkies are dust-free.

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Open Letter: Dear Trendy Slang Speakers...

Dear Speakers of Vernacular English,


Hi! Jenni Jiggety, here! How's the old tongue flapping these days? Good, good...


Well, I am going to cut right to the chase here and tell you that I need your help, Slang Speakers! I have decided that a much beloved expression that has gone out of favor needs to make a BIG comeback! With you all by my side, we can stand strong and reintroduce this colloquialism to the world! The time is NOW!

What is this magnificent vocable of which I write, you ask? Well, I will tell you!

NOT!

As in:

I love liver and onions for dinner...NOT!

Cats are my favorite animals...NOT!

My kids are like little angels from heaven who never fight or wake me up at the crack of 9 am to tattle tale on each other after I stayed up too late watching Conan O'Brien....NOT!

I am certain you agree that NOT! really does belong on the lips of everyone you know. I ask that you join me and begin using it today! Teach it to you children (Hey! Let's have ice cream for dinner....NOT!) ... say it to your neighbors (I'm going to come over and mow your lawn...NOT!) ... get yourself the t-shirt and wear it proudly!

Thank you so much for your time and assistance. And don't forget that spreading the NOT! love is good for your health and will make you infinitely wealthy...NOT!

Linguistically yours,


Jenni Jiggety


PS: Also, let's consider bringing back PSYCH! As in: Want the last cookie? PSYCH!

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Want to Participate in Open Letter Day?

Here's what you do:

Write an Open Letter on your blog, and include a link to Jiggety Jigg (you can grab my button on my sidebar)!

An open letter can be to anyone or anything! It can be silly or serious! A rant or a rave! Anything goes!

After you post your letter, come back here, sign the Mr. Linky Widget below, and visit the other bloggy-fabulous who are playing along!

Week 5...I'm keeping it alive...with a breathing machine and steroids...

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Vloggity Vlog 2! Chick Chat!

Today I am vlogggggggging for Chick Chat!

Our topic this week was to let you all up into our kitchen business.

And when I saw the topic and questions...I laughed and laughed...

You'll see why!

So get yourself a drink (wine?) and grab a snack (Doritos?) and enjoy my contribution to this week's CHICK CHAT.
(Wine and Doritos! Perfection!)

Check Out the Other Chick Chat Videos:

(Hopefully from women who are more proficient in the kitchen that I am.)

The A-Priori Mom

The Ungourmet

There's Always Room For One More

Sacred And Profane


Edited to Add: The Um and Uh count for my video is OUT of CONTROL! Oy...

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El Mentiroso Esta Random!

So I almost forgot to blog today because I was so preoccupied with playing the same Zumba song over and over and over again to practice the dance to it. Luckily my family just LOVES meringue music! (Ha.)

I have an unreasonable crush on Conan O'Brien. You can't stop me! And tonight my boyfriend swimming idol Michael Phelps is going to be on Conan's show! :::swoon::::

Also in random news this week, my washing machine is smelly...which I find not only annoying but ironic. Please advise.

So my husband just turned 36 which means for a few brief months while I am still 35 I get to feel like the younger woman. LOVE that.


Big Brother started, and I am allllllll up in that drama already. I really LOVE that show...and I would apply to be on it but I really look scary in the morning plus I don't want cameras filming me while I pee. Also, no internet? Does. Not. Compute.

Finally in the closing of the random-ness, I wanted to share that my dentist appointment last week was every bit as horrifying as I expected, and sadly I will have more to report as there is a PROBLEM that needs fixing. The painful, expensive, I-wish-I-had-dentures kind of fixing.

Keely has perfect choppers...

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Sorry. We Are Are Fresh Out of Funny.

But watch this cute video!

And then comment and tell me how darn cute those babies are!

OR!

Comment and explain to me how they taught all of those babies to roller skate!

(You don't think they used baby 'roids, do you?)

Also!

If you had a roller skating baby, I am pretty sure you could make a lot of money, right? Comment and tell me how would you CASH IN on your baby's superfantastical skating talent!

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Aloha, Rump-Shaker!

Woooooo Hooooo!

This weekend I am taking the ZUMBA instructor training course in Connecticut.

I am VERY excited to get formally trained in how to most effectively shake my groove thang, and how to teach a class to get down with their bad selves!

I already teach step and regular hi/lo aerobics classes, but ZUMBA is dancing!

It is meringue and samba! It is salsa-licious!


It is Shake-it-like-Shakira FUN!


My Aloha Rump Shaker Questions For You Are:

1. What is your favorite song to DANCE to?

2. Do you dance in public, or are you more of a private dancer?

3. Have you ever tried Zumba?

4. Would you take Zumba if I were the teacher AND I promised not to post pictures of you Zumba-ing on my blog?


Kailani knows how to shake it.

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